Tag Archives: boundaries

Gratitude

 

I walk in gratitude every day. By that I mean I am thankful for everything I have, do, create and experience. I don’t wait for greatness to happen before I’m grateful, I’m happy for the smallest things: sunshine, my morning chai, the way my legs move when I get out of bed, my family, hot water. You can see where I’m going with this.

Making the effort to frequently experience gratitude balances out negativity and cultivates awareness of what we want in our lives, not focusing on what we don’t want. I’m not saying that we should ignore problems or be superficial about the challenges of life, but our spirit is enriched by feelings of gratitude, and good memories are formed by focusing on what’s working and what we are grateful for.

Gratitude is an instant mood booster. When we consciously shift our attention to what’s thriving in our lives, our need for safety, satisfaction and connection is met. Activating gratitude tones down the alarm system of the brain (the amygdala) and reduces the stress response. Practising gratitude reduces levels of cortisol and adrenaline in the body and releases dopamine, the natural feel-good chemical in the brain, which supports more focused attention.

  • Slow everything down by walking in gratitude; appreciate your surroundings.
  • Soften towards your family, friends and colleagues.
  • Thank others for the smallest kindness.
  • Forgive yourself, be gentle on yourself.
  • Give people the benefit of the doubt; don’t take things personally.
  • Actively notice new things to feel grateful about.
  • Show compassion to self and others.

Love is a skill-set

 

I interviewed hundreds of people for my latest book 100 keys to Love and found that we are not alone, each one of us is searching for love and self- discovery. Many people I spoke with are over-achievers in their work but have felt frustrated about how to find love and happiness in their personal lives.

Continue reading Love is a skill-set

Having clear boundaries = self-respect


Healthy Boundaries Enable Healthy Choices. Having our own set of personal boundaries influences the quality of our inner life.

Boundaries solidify the ground we walk on and create a safe place in our internal and external life. No one necessarily needs to know about our personal boundaries. They are not something to be negotiated with others. They don’t require recruiting other people to our viewpoint; someone being right and the other being wrong is not a boundary. Having clear boundaries is at the heart of effective self-care.

A boundary is set when you decide not to blame or shame another person, or yourself in your internal dialogue. You automatically become more respectful and kinder when you have a strong internal boundary of what you will and won’t do. You have the right to determine when, where, how and with whom you want to do things. When you set boundaries, you demonstrate self-dignity – a powerful message.

A boundary roadmap consists of the following:

  • Being clear with yourself about what you can and can’t do.
  • Caring more about yourself than what others think about you.
  • Trusting your instincts by listening and acting on your feelings.
  • Not deciding if you’re not sure of it.
  • Trusting your decisions.
  • Not be too hard on yourself, treating every experience as learning.
  • Letting go of people-pleasing.
  • Finding time and space for yourself.
  • Accepting that you don’t need to share everything by creating more privacy in your life.

To implement this roadmap, you need to hear your own voice, to be able to shut out the noise and clutter of the world. To go where it’s quiet enough to truly hear your voice above everyone else’s.

Empower yourself with clear boundaries. Use visualisation to imagine what living with these boundaries will look like; picture yourself as a strong, independent thinker. Make healthy choices that take responsibility for who and what you are and what you want to become.

This excerpt is from The Book of Hope – Antidote for Anxiety by Vicki Bennett.