‘Did you see any cattle in the long paddock?’ asked a local woman in her 40s, as I stepped from my car in Julia Creek after a 234 km drive from Mt Isa. Continue reading Telling our Stories to the World.
Tag Archives: relationships
Having clear boundaries = self-respect
Healthy Boundaries Enable Healthy Choices. Having our own set of personal boundaries influences the quality of our inner life.
Boundaries solidify the ground we walk on and create a safe place in our internal and external life. No one necessarily needs to know about our personal boundaries. They are not something to be negotiated with others. They don’t require recruiting other people to our viewpoint; someone being right and the other being wrong is not a boundary. Having clear boundaries is at the heart of effective self-care.
A boundary is set when you decide not to blame or shame another person, or yourself in your internal dialogue. You automatically become more respectful and kinder when you have a strong internal boundary of what you will and won’t do. You have the right to determine when, where, how and with whom you want to do things. When you set boundaries, you demonstrate self-dignity – a powerful message.
A boundary roadmap consists of the following:
- Being clear with yourself about what you can and can’t do.
- Caring more about yourself than what others think about you.
- Trusting your instincts by listening and acting on your feelings.
- Not deciding if you’re not sure of it.
- Trusting your decisions.
- Not be too hard on yourself, treating every experience as learning.
- Letting go of people-pleasing.
- Finding time and space for yourself.
- Accepting that you don’t need to share everything by creating more privacy in your life.
To implement this roadmap, you need to hear your own voice, to be able to shut out the noise and clutter of the world. To go where it’s quiet enough to truly hear your voice above everyone else’s.
Empower yourself with clear boundaries. Use visualisation to imagine what living with these boundaries will look like; picture yourself as a strong, independent thinker. Make healthy choices that take responsibility for who and what you are and what you want to become.
This excerpt is from The Book of Hope – Antidote for Anxiety by Vicki Bennett.
It can be relatively easy to be kind to someone else. But how kind are you to yourself?
Kindness begins with being thoughtful about how you speak to yourself about yourself. Be aware of negative thinking about the past or the future as it can be very painful. Draw yourself back into the present moment by searching out three things you can see and focus on, noticing three things you can smell, and three things you can touch. Doing so helps you to concentrate on what’s working in your life.
Self-talk tends to be repetitive. Telling yourself stories about what you believe happened, or what you think will happen is painful. Thinking these stories will protect you from failure, or make you feel safe, is a form of avoidance. Blaming yourself over what has happened in the past is unkind and isolating.
Maximise the present moment by reading or listening to something inspirational, then share this with a friend or family member. By sharing small moments, connecting to others can help overcome the sense of isolation that you may feel. Make sure you look for and make several connections in a day.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for kindness. Don’t bully, guilt, or shame yourself about what’s happening around you. As soon as you feel yourself ‘should-ing’ yourself around, talk to yourself in a kind, supportive and caring way so that you can do better next time. Nothing beats the loneliness of being unkind to yourself.
Heightened self-care is an act of personal bravery. Focus on improving yourself before saving the world. If you’re tweeting about what’s going on somewhere else in the world and not looking after your own levels of stress and anxiety, you’re going to feel hopeless.
The approval and validation we seek is an inside job. Hope is a by-product of the strength and dignity felt inside. We contribute most to saving our world, by saving ourselves first. When we board an airplane, the flight attendant tells us that in case of an emergency, first give ourselves oxygen, then help others. When we take steps to develop our emotional health, we can then put our hand out to help others.
Let go of seeking approval from others, look after yourself physically and emotionally, and being true to yourself. Integrity-based sacred service begins when you treat yourself with the same integrity as the external customer: family, friends, and colleagues.
A key question you could ask yourself about your relationship is, ‘If I were married to yourself, how long would it last?’ I am surprised to be constantly told by seemingly kind, caring people that, for them, they doubt the marriage would last very long. The most intimate relationship you can ever have, is the one you have with yourself. Having a kind and honest relationship with yourself can be the ultimate in human understanding.